Thirty Days of Lupron

I remember the days when I was starting my second IVF cycle and thought that two weeks of lupron was torture. I was naive then.

If my current cycle goes as planned, I will be on Lupron for 30 days.

But let's review.
As you may remember, I started lupron back at the beginning of June with the idea of doing a retrieval at the end of that month. Sadly, my period did not arrive on schedule and thus, I ran into the one week of the year they close the lab, and I was unable to move forward. So that was 11 days of lupron for nothing.

Now, I have been on lupron since Day 24 of my cycle, which was July 6, and since my body decided to gift me with an unprecedented 38-day cycle, I have now been on Lupron 16 days, and I have not even started my stimulation shots. AF came yesterday, so I called CCRM and we set up a "calendar" and I bought my ticket to travel there on Monday.

This morning I went in for an ultrasound, looking forward to starting my stimulation shots and generally getting on with my life.

The ultrasound showed plenty of follicles: 14 on the left side and 12 on the right. The local doctor said he also saw an old, ruptured cyst, but that it would not affect my stimulation. I got my blood work done, and started waiting for the phone call from CCRM.

The CCRM nurse said that the cyst was borderline and my estradiol was slightly high at 66, so, while they weren't going to cancel my cycle at this point, I would have to stay on Lupron until Friday, when I will have another ultrasound and bloodwork to see if the cyst has shrunk. If it has not shrunk, it would interfere with the stimulation, so they would cancel the cycle.

The protocol calls for me to be on Lupron all the way until I take my trigger shot, approximately 10 days after I start the stims. So if my math is correct, that's 30 days of lupron. And that is not counting the 11 days from my last failed attempt.

I am tired of being on lupron. I am tired of shots, and I haven't even started the thrice daily regimen of lupron, menopur, and gonal-f.

I put in a request with Bear for some of his fool-proof puppy play therapy, but he, too, is tired of the effect Lupron is having on the mojo of the house, so he chose to rest on this chair instead.

Tonight, more Lupron, more dexamethasone.... Wish me luck!

The Sound of Silence

Great article in Self about women's silence about IF treatments. I have certainly thought a lot about this in terms of my desire to hide in my closet on my birthday and my inability to return the calls of my pregnant friends. (Hi Friends, I'm sorry!)
I had not considered the implications for changing health care policy. If you are going through IF, I hope you will join or donate to Resolve.
The thing I'd really like to know is why the article's statement that the interviewee might work "behind the scenes" in infertility links to this article. Really, what am I missing?

Lupron Left, Lupron Right

I started my shots of Lupron 8 days ago, and yes, I am cranky. I also have a headache. This is the third time I have been on this particular drug. The first time was during my second IVF cycle last fall. The second was just a month ago. That cycle was postponed, so I took an extra 11 day of Lupron for no reason. Good times.
Every night, I give myself the shot after icing my belly, and I record the event in my calendar. Sources say that you should alternate the side of the belly you inject every day. This isn't a huge deal with Lupron, because the site itself isn't very bothered by the liquid, but it becomes more important when you add in the other shots later in the cycle because they cause redness and irritation and large welts that span the valley of the oblique muscles. All I can say is, I don't know how anyone does this without an ice-pack.
For now, it's just a running line on the bottom of my day planner: Lupron Left, Lupron Right, Lupron L, Lupron R. And I wait for AF, so I can add more needles to my repertoire.

Desperation IVF

This essay, about the decision of a husband and wife in their early 30s who decided to go through IVF to freeze embryos to use when they are financially stable, is causing quite a stir in the fertility chat rooms I frequent.

The article refers to IVF after 35 as Desperation IVF, and IVF before 35 as Preservation IVF.
Her language does trigger a negative reaction in me, but I'll admit that she may not be as smug as I perceive her. It may be jealousy, or the lupron, or the desperation.

In short, yeah lady, I do wish I'd vitrified some embryos when I was 30. I also wish I'd fallen in love with my husband earlier. I also wish we'd gotten pregnant when we started trying.

But how nice for her that this worked out.
And if I had a daughter, I would show her this article so she would know about her options.

On Friendship

I've read a number of memoirs over the past year, including those of Joan Didion and Elizabeth McCracken. The latest one to inspire me is Ann Patchett's amazing tribute to her friendship with the late Lucy Grealy. Every page was gorgeous and heartbreaking, but this quote in particular has stuck with me:

"Even when Lucy was devastated or difficult, she was the person I knew best in the world, the person I was the most comfortable with. Whenever I saw her, I felt like I had been living in another country, doing moderately well in another language, and then she showed up speaking English and suddenly I could speak with all the complexity and nuance that I hadn't even realized was gone. With Lucy I was a native speaker."

I had the opportunity to see some old friends this summer, and I had this exact feeling. Thank you, Ann Patchett for describing this so perfectly.

P.S. Erin, I miss you.

Nicest Rock Star Ever

Since we are still on a break from all shots and hormone-altering substances, my husband and I drove up to Portland to see his friend Rhett Miller who was doing a show with his band the Old 97s.

I've only met Rhett a handful of times before, and I had already concluded that he was the nicest rock star ever. What I wasn't expecting was that over dinner, the three of us would have a really frank conversation about all of the troubles my husband and I have had over the past year, and that Rhett would say all the right things about my father's battle with cancer and our fertility deal.

So, if you like alt-country, or if you just want to see a great show, check out the Old 97s tour schedule.

P.S. This is the first time I have had dinner with someone while other restaurant patrons are surreptitiously snapping photos of my dinner companion with their iphones. I asked for permission to take this one.

My husband is the one on the left.

Who would you say is the nicest rock star ever?

Cribs vs. Beds: Parenthood's all-out war

I am not a parent, but I found this hilarious.

Cribs vs. Beds: Parenthood's all-out war