what with leg waxing, migraines have to do, or how to consolidate pain

So, a few weeks ago, Nayla asked me what I will do about my migraines if ever I am pregnant. Well, although I doubt I'm pregnant, there is going to be, at least until the big drugs and needles and pricy doctors are involved, that week before the most expensive five inch plastic stick to ever grace a drugstore shelf can tell me whether or not it's ok to take a Relpax. And because apparently I STILL haven't learned not to tempt fickle fate, I didn't plan ahead and therefore found myself with a minor migraine on Sunday night that by Tuesday night was a six flag ringer, complete with flashing lights and hours of vomiting and even a near constant right eye watering trick that has never happened before, but emerged with this migraine like one big unwelcome party trick. And I did not take my Relpax, surely the worst of the worst teratogonic drugs, right up there with thalidomide and DDT. (Just kidding. Actually Relpax is a pregnancy Class C drug, which means that nobody knows the effect on a developing fetus). But as anyone who has ever gone to Catholic School, much less sat through an embryology class knows, spinal cord and limb development happen in the precarious first few weeks, usually before the majority of the non fertility obsessed population becomes aware that they are pregnant.

Wednesday morning I broke down and called my neurologist. I was immediately transferred to "Jennifer," a nurse who is truly an angel. If I was the boss of the world, I would make every medical professional take lessons from her. I explained my situation and she offered to give me a blood HCG draw STAT. If that came back negative, I could take my Relpax with impunity. If it didn't, they would give me the regimen they usually prescribe to pregnant woman, which is Tylenol-3, Tylenol with codeine. Between two and four tablets, adjusted for height and weight. Safe during pregnancy? Perfectly, apparently. Actually I was going to wait out the results of the HCG test and then stick with the Relpax, but then I found out that the lab draw center, which sends samples out for analysis, considers STAT to be 4-5 hours. So I picked up the T3 prescription and drove to my office, where I sat through not one, not two, but four meetings. But that was perfectly fine. Because I work in a state building, the bar for general cognition is not set high.

And the verdict? A most effective pain killer. Next time, I'm going to multi task those pain killing properties and schedule a leg wax for the same day. If I can just get past my fear of phthalates in the wax.