Like Soup

For some reason, I haven't been able to stop thinking about an episode of the cancelled sitcom Arrested Development entitled Beef Consomme. In the episode, teenager George Michael, who suffers from a secret attraction to his cousin Maeby, asks his grandmother whether they are really related.

NARRATOR: George Michael, having failed to get the information from anyone else, made the ultimate sacrifice and went to visit the keeper of the family secrets.

[Cut to the penthouse kitchen, where George Michael stands on one side of an island. On the other side, Lucille prepares tea.]

GEORGE MICHAEL: So, uh, it's about Maeby.

LUCILLE: Oh! That's a lost cause. But you get what you pay for, eh?

GEORGE MICHAEL: Yeah. Wait, what? What do you mean, "pay"?

LUCILLE: Fertility tests, lab fees, donors and implants. She's not real. She was made in a cup. Like soup. (pours tea) A hundred and thirty-thousand dollar cup of soup. How do you like them egg rolls, Mr. Goldstone? All I know is it took an extra year before we could add a den.

GEORGE MICHAEL: So are you saying we're not directly related?

LUCILLE: I'm saying she already spent her inheritance getting here.

Watch the whole glorious episode here.